We can't always have everything we want. And, frankly, it can really stink to deal with hearing a No from someone else or have to provide the No and remain the steady container perhaps as a caregiver during a tantrum. But every time I receive a No or say a No and stay with the sensations and presence in my body, it gets a little easier, a little less hairy and less distressful, and overall healthy boundaries for all parties. Many of us -- most of us -- well, we all -- have had instances where we couldn't say No for various reasons. Some we remember, some we don't.
It's an important practice to re-pattern or practice that No. We have to practice knowing from our core what deserves a NO, then pressing into Earth while we twist our head, turn around and leave, and/or vocalize a No. From a body-based perspective, and thanks to Body-Mind Psychotherapy and Body-Mind Center’s technique of the Satisfaction Cycle, it can go like this:
1) It's takes presence of YIELDING into a situation with awareness, resting into knowing what is a no, what is a yes. Being able to sense what is okay, what is not, with your body, noticing where your body meets a supportive ground, and perhaps with resources, time, appropriateness of a situation. (Yielding is more about mindfulness and discernment and wakefulness even when it's hard -- the opposite of dissociation, denial, apathy or collapsing into a position).
2) Then it takes PUSHING. Pushing away. Many times twisting, turning the eyes, turning the head or body - from a "no, thank you", to a "not today, honey", or to a "hell no." All have their appropriate places.
3) The beauty of the push -- of the pushing away and "NO" leaves space for what you want. You have the wide open space and view of possibilities of what you can have, what you do want. That's when you REACH. Might take a minute or a while, but you have the space and allowance to reach.
4) Once you know and see and sense and feel what you want to reach for, you GRASP. You hold it with not only your literal or figurative hand but more so with your heart, your awareness, as well as with a trusting that you can have what you deserve, but you just don't always get what you want.
5) Then you PULL. You pull it closer to you, having appreciation for the process of yielding with awareness and discernment, pushing to create boundaries and a clearer path, reaching for what you might want, grasping with empowerment and ownership and trust, then pulling toward your core.
This is a beautiful practice that can be applied to many facets shape-shifting not only your cognitive awareness or functioning but also your somatic awareness, connection and integration. Try it in the morning as a way to set your intention for the day. 🌞
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